For question number 2, my newly written f pattern and plain English business introduction included many significant improvements over my previous introduction from last assignment. The first biggest noticeable difference is the lack of heading in the original introduction completed for the last assignment. For the last assignment, included in the feedback section was a little bit of constructive feedback as to some elements that were missing from my F pattern. For the other assignment, instead of including a headline the information was just immediately presented to you without really any introduction as to what the content was about. This was the first major change and the first major difference between my F pattern content. For the new, revised version of my business introduction a headline was placed at the start of my content right before the content actually begins. The headline reads “Shift and Bid: The Ultimate Auction Platform for Car Enthusiasts”. This can give readers a little bit of an idea as to what shift and bid actually is, and offers a lot more clarity as opposed to just diving right into the content.
Another major change is the size and word count of the first paragraph containing all the valuable information about Shift and Bid which is what users would see first when they begin reading right after their attention is caught, and also the content within that paragraph, and this is where the plain writing tools started to come into play. In my initial business introduction, the first paragraph was massive and contained almost too much information while also having a little bit too much jargon. This is where the new implementation of plain writing comes into effect. In my rendition of this business introduction, nearly all of the exact same points from the original submission were hit but instead shortened and a lot less wordy and overall just a lot more enjoyable to read while also not feeling like there is any type of information overload. This can even seem a lot less visually daunting when users first come across this piece of copy. Instead of being drawn in by a headline, or anything else relating to this copy and immediately being greeted with a ton of words right out of the gate, now users are met with a much more concise version of the exact same information. The actual content of the copy was improved upon as well. The first submission included some information that really didn’t need to be included and probably could have been relocated to a different section, and this was fixed and either totally removed or moved to a totally new section.
Another aspect of this new and improved introduction was the use of headlines. On my old introduction, a couple headlines were used but they weren’t very strong and contained information attached to them that also was pretty vague. With this in mind while creating my new submission, I decided to use these headlines to my advantage to create different sections that each contain bits of valuable information. These headlines in bold text both break up the small bits of information attached respectively to each headline, and can provide a couple of benefits to readers. Firstly, it can help people scanning through the article get the information they are looking for. Instead of burying important keywords within body copy and making readers search for it, providing it in bold headlines then just expanding on this information is a perfect example of writing for the reader which is exactly what plain writing is all about. Some of the headlines were kept the same, because they didn’t really need to be changed to anything different. But, the headlines that weren’t changed received a little bit more valuable information actually attached to them to just provide better information.
Finally, the last major difference from the original introduction was the use of bold and italics throughout the copy and headlines. In my original introduction submission, only the headlines were bold. But, in this new submission I have made sure to bold and even italicize important keywords outside of the headlines in the body copy. This was mainly done to emphasize information that is important and relevant, and it can also split up the text and differentiate it from the non-bold text. Sometimes, readers can get tired of reading just one big block of the same font. If some key points throughout that block of information are bold it can allow the readers to catch a break and help them not get overwhelmed when reading my information. Keywords were bolded throughout the text because sometimes, bold text can sort of guide the readers attention as they bounce from each important topic. If each important keyword can be highlighted in bold text, if somebody is scanning through the article each bold term can hopefully catch their eyes like a ping-pong ball as they go from important term to important term in my body copy.
In conclusion, there are many different elements that were implemented into the new submission of my business introduction and the F pattern along with the plain writing techniques were utilized to foster these elements and bring them to life within the new submission.
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